Yes, I'm proud of what I did. I took care of what I felt with affection, a little resentment and possessiveness, but I quickly realized that scene wasn't for me, writing my feelings over and over again tonight isn't one of the options I would choose, so I'll write here.
I wish her the best, health, happiness and love on all the paths she reaches, from this continent to the next ones, I feel she'll go far and that my stomach will fill with butterflies as soon as she looks at me. But I don't regret anything, she has someone more appropriate who has a shoulder to cry on, someone who will be there to play with her happiness, not in a bad sense, that someone is really cool, has a very strong perspective on what they support and their tastes are clear at a table full of guys, I don't know why I feel this insecurity, maybe the fact that I tried too slowly, that I didn't directly ask her for a chance, a chance to try to love, to express myself like the feelings in debt that I had spent on her, but they warned me well: "If she doesn't dedicate herself to you, don't go after her."
I don't even try to be honest, just liquid conversations, that float in any liquid... That feeling you only feel when the beach water is warm, or when cold showers become lukewarm, when the fireplace lights up in winter but isn't enough to warm you internally, I beg.
I dreamed every day of hugging her with my eyes, I fulfilled my duty to take care of her, to entertain her, to try to make her feel heard, but I received no sign in return, not talking to a wall., it's like knocking on a window waiting for the birds outside to go away... useless, but I'm proud. I don't regret anything, I loved every second, millisecond, microsecond, nanosecond that I saw her smile. I think that's life. My mother said that's maturity, more than she ever had.
I hope she finds her place in this world, her special person in this world, her always cold bed, her mirror that reflects the best aspects, her makeup kit that never runs out or gets mixed up, her wallet full of cents she'll never use, but gives a sense of financial security, I'm happy for her and I wish nothing more, because wishes are bad, but dreams aren't.
Thank you for the time we spent together and if one day you find yourself reading this: yes, I loved you and I continue to love with every cell of my body, I wish you well and happy.
— The End —